How to learn about the law in your state
The law is used to impose a decision in your case only when there is a disagreement that has been brought into court. If you can reach a fair written agreement with your spouse, you can get almost any terms you like without much reference to the law. Where children are concerned, a judge might take a look at your terms to make sure your children are reasonably well supported and protected.
It is important to know what help you can get from the law and which problems you will have to solve yourself in some other way. Unfortunately, people often get so wrapped up in the legal divorce that they lose sight of their real-life goals and solutions. While a legal divorce is not exactly useless, never forget that your best and most effective solutions involve personal changes and practical, day-to-day actions that take place outside of the context of laws, lawyers and courts.
When you go to learn about the law in your state, you will especially want to know how well it can be predicted what a judge would do if presented with the facts of your case.
In some states, like California, the laws are so detailed and clear that the outcome — what a judge would do if given your facts — is pretty predictable in most situations. This is a great help in negotiation, because the spouses can simply refer to the laws and use them as a guide in settling differences.
In other states, however, the laws can be so vague, or the judges have so much discretion, that almost nothing can sure about what the judge will do until he or she actually hears the case and decides. In other words, it can be completely unpredictable. In many states, the rules and guidelines are clear in some areas and not clear in others. This is what you want to know.
If you are in a state where the outcome for the facts of your case is not predictable, this simply means that the law is not going to be much help in reaching a settlement. It means that if you can’t reach a settlement, you will have to spend a lot of time and money getting to court so some stranger (the judge) can make decisions about your property and your children after spending very little time hearing the facts of your life. You should work very hard to settle your case by negotiation and mediation, otherwise, you are in for a long, unpleasant and expensive journey through the legal system.
Where to learn about the law
Books. The cheapest thing you can do is read a self-help book on the divorce laws of your state. Nolo Press Occidental publishes the famous How to Do Your Own Divorce books, by Ed Sherman, for California and Texas. For other states, go to a bookstore or library and search the Books In Print subject matter catalog under “Divorce,” where you will find a section of state-by-state listings.
Most states have self-help divorce books; however, the quality ranges from excellent to terrible and it may not be easy to tell the difference. The worst thing would be an old book that has not kept up with changes, leaving you to study laws that no longer exist and working with wrong information, so check the date of printing. Ask the reference librarian or store personnel to make recommendations.
Divorce Helpline. In California, you can call Divorce Helpline, a new kind of law firm that exists only to help people get themselves through divorce. Their attorneys are expert at helping people solve problems and reach settlement. Working by mail, phone, and fax, they offer legal information, advice, help with negotiations and mediation.
They will also draft marital settlement agreements and do your paperwork for you. The best thing is that they offer fixed fees for services and they will work with both spouses if you want them to. It’s the latest and best thing in the divorce field.
Attorneys. You can go see a divorce attorney, but getting one who is willing to help people help themselves can be tricky. See the Directory for our growing listing of lawyers who are happy to do this work. Getting information from a lawyer can be relatively reasonable and efficient if you go prepared and have specific goals in mind. Learn as much as you can ahead of time. It is best to find a lawyer who specializes in divorce — at least 50% of their case load.
If possible, get your advice from a lawyer trained in divorce mediation who practices it professionally. Mediation-minded attorneys are more likely to give you neutral and problem-solving advice, whereas traditional attorneys tend to be more oriented to conflict and their advice tends to be adversarial.
Make sure the attorney understands that you are there for only information and advice and that you are not, at this time, retaining them to handle your case. In fact, it will be best if you never retain an attorney at all.
Before your first visit to an attorney, prepare yourself by reading this Short Course thoroughly. The more informed and prepared you are, the faster and cheaper you can get what you need. If you don’t know what you want to find out, or if you can’t make up your mind about things, wait until your mind clears. Otherwise you may end up paying $100–$350 an hour for handholding, or you may get talked into legal action that you don’t really need.
Paralegals. People who do divorce typing services can tell you about the red tape procedures, but they cannot give you reliable legal advice. They shouldn’t try and you shouldn’t listen if they do. Use them for what they are good at — paperwork — but get your advice somewhere else.
Go on to the next section:
It is important to know what help you can get from the law and which problems you will have to solve yourself in some other way. Unfortunately, people often get so wrapped up in the legal divorce that they lose sight of their real-life goals and solutions. While a legal divorce is not exactly useless, never forget that your best and most effective solutions involve personal changes and practical, day-to-day actions that take place outside of the context of laws, lawyers and courts.
When you go to learn about the law in your state, you will especially want to know how well it can be predicted what a judge would do if presented with the facts of your case.
In some states, like California, the laws are so detailed and clear that the outcome — what a judge would do if given your facts — is pretty predictable in most situations. This is a great help in negotiation, because the spouses can simply refer to the laws and use them as a guide in settling differences.
In other states, however, the laws can be so vague, or the judges have so much discretion, that almost nothing can sure about what the judge will do until he or she actually hears the case and decides. In other words, it can be completely unpredictable. In many states, the rules and guidelines are clear in some areas and not clear in others. This is what you want to know.
If you are in a state where the outcome for the facts of your case is not predictable, this simply means that the law is not going to be much help in reaching a settlement. It means that if you can’t reach a settlement, you will have to spend a lot of time and money getting to court so some stranger (the judge) can make decisions about your property and your children after spending very little time hearing the facts of your life. You should work very hard to settle your case by negotiation and mediation, otherwise, you are in for a long, unpleasant and expensive journey through the legal system.
Where to learn about the law
Books. The cheapest thing you can do is read a self-help book on the divorce laws of your state. Nolo Press Occidental publishes the famous How to Do Your Own Divorce books, by Ed Sherman, for California and Texas. For other states, go to a bookstore or library and search the Books In Print subject matter catalog under “Divorce,” where you will find a section of state-by-state listings.
Most states have self-help divorce books; however, the quality ranges from excellent to terrible and it may not be easy to tell the difference. The worst thing would be an old book that has not kept up with changes, leaving you to study laws that no longer exist and working with wrong information, so check the date of printing. Ask the reference librarian or store personnel to make recommendations.
Divorce Helpline. In California, you can call Divorce Helpline, a new kind of law firm that exists only to help people get themselves through divorce. Their attorneys are expert at helping people solve problems and reach settlement. Working by mail, phone, and fax, they offer legal information, advice, help with negotiations and mediation.
They will also draft marital settlement agreements and do your paperwork for you. The best thing is that they offer fixed fees for services and they will work with both spouses if you want them to. It’s the latest and best thing in the divorce field.
Attorneys. You can go see a divorce attorney, but getting one who is willing to help people help themselves can be tricky. See the Directory for our growing listing of lawyers who are happy to do this work. Getting information from a lawyer can be relatively reasonable and efficient if you go prepared and have specific goals in mind. Learn as much as you can ahead of time. It is best to find a lawyer who specializes in divorce — at least 50% of their case load.
If possible, get your advice from a lawyer trained in divorce mediation who practices it professionally. Mediation-minded attorneys are more likely to give you neutral and problem-solving advice, whereas traditional attorneys tend to be more oriented to conflict and their advice tends to be adversarial.
Make sure the attorney understands that you are there for only information and advice and that you are not, at this time, retaining them to handle your case. In fact, it will be best if you never retain an attorney at all.
Before your first visit to an attorney, prepare yourself by reading this Short Course thoroughly. The more informed and prepared you are, the faster and cheaper you can get what you need. If you don’t know what you want to find out, or if you can’t make up your mind about things, wait until your mind clears. Otherwise you may end up paying $100–$350 an hour for handholding, or you may get talked into legal action that you don’t really need.
Paralegals. People who do divorce typing services can tell you about the red tape procedures, but they cannot give you reliable legal advice. They shouldn’t try and you shouldn’t listen if they do. Use them for what they are good at — paperwork — but get your advice somewhere else.
Go on to the next section:
From a California judge, here are ten different ways you can divide your property without fighting or going to courts or lawyers.
Back to the Short Divorce Course table of contents
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